Christ in me – a prilgrim’s progress

4 April 2013 PassionMovie_Feet

The purpose of all of this is to find out who we are …. whom Elohim created us to be … man may try to stop what God is doing, but, man will never succeed. No one can tell what is in the very heart of a person. No one can.

It has been to my sheer amazement that you are all not like me.

I’m being very serious here.

How does God get it all so write …….. gotya ….. right.

I loved to read in our church sunday school as a child. Church to me is like being at home. Really to be honest. Church is more my home than my home. I belong to church. I belong to JESUS. It was in all that reading in sunday school …. really …. I was to play with the kids and take care of them while their parents went to mass. I learnt the art of expressing my thoughts on paper.

I’m amazed. Simply amazed.

It’s Easter and once again everyone in church does the Easter thing. But for me Easter or Christmas is not a time of the year. It’s when JESUS says. It’s when the Holy Spirit brings to mind in remembrance of who HE is. Who JESUS truly is.

But, to go with the flow …… I join in.

Crosses everywhere. Do I really have a choice. Crosses everywhere, all throughout the year now.

The fascination since childhood has never in my mind left me. I still ponder and wonder and think. What happened. I still ask JESUS the same question. I still ask my Father the same question. And I’m never disappointed in the TRUTH. Who JESUS really is. Why HE came. What HE came for. How HE came. The reasons behind this mystery. Why HE keeps on calling calling and calling me.  

I’m tired thinking about it all, really, to be honest. It’s very exhausting thinking about things of the Spirit. Being touched by the Spirit. Being filled up up up completely with the Spirit. To be totally soaked in the oils of the Holy Spirit and to be brought to mind all the things that are of Spirit.

If I’ve exhausted my entire life devoted to finding out the things of the Spirit. So let it be. Let it be done according to THY will O LORD. This is what I say to my Father in heaven. Hallowed be THY Name.

What an absolutely dreadful day it was.

The place where JESUS was crucified was a place of death. The Romans made examples of everyone who crossed their paths and would not conform. They killed them. An awful death. They beat them to a pulp. The place where JESUS was crucified stank of death and sin and every corrupt area of man’s fallen nature. In every deed.

Not only did the stench of death and flesh and sin remain in the area. It was the most humiliating place that could have been chosen for God to have been put to death when death was never possible in a HOLY God. JESUS the Christ.

I used to stand in this place upset and could not think straight at what I see. I would look around and wonder why why why.

I’ve grown since then.

Now I stand and look and take it all in ….. and learn ….. who my God is ….. who JESUS is ….. who the Holy Spirit is … the Godhead, three in ONE.

Tears still spring up ……. but …. I can finally make sense of it all.

I’ve found myself in this place where it all seemed so unfair when all JESUS said is, I AM. HE only told them who HE is. It’s so unfair JESUS. It’s just so unfair. So very unfair that they should crucify YOU just cos YOU told them the TRUTH. YOU are I AM.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I only belong to JESUS. It’s not use fighting what was prayed over me since my birth. Saying this, a bolt of lightning has just appeared right outside my window. I live at the top of a hill and below me is a valley. So, lightning is a common occurrence here. I feel like I’m in Revelations. At the throne of grace at JESUS’ feet up here.

I just belong to JESUS. Fact and I’m happy finally finding out who I am in Christ. HIS and HIS alone.

It’s all about JESUS and those who truly belong to HIM.

A heart matter.

HEART to heart.

You all remember that JESUS was mauled so badly with those hooks at the end of the whips that HE did not resemble anything that of a man. That of a human. HE was totally ripped to sheds. HIS flesh. You all know this right. It’s Scriptural.

For me, what do I do about this. The other day, just a week ago, I go to JESUS’ body at the bottom of this cross and kiss HIS heart, again.

gasping for a breath

I find myself often gasping for a breath like my Father has just blown into me and the power of the LORD is such that I have to gasp this breath ….. such is the beauty of this spring that has come upon us. Such is this year that has come upon me. The year of the LORD. HE has predestined me to gasp HIS breath of life. Daily. Moment by moment. Day by day. Such is the beauty of spring and the beauty of the LORD.


– the beauty of the LORD –

So I looked up the song

I was looking at the beautiful flowers of God’s great and marvellous creation.

Pretty ما هذا الجمال ،، إنه لا يقاوم ،، سبحان الله وبحمده ، سبحان الله العظيم !!



cherry blossom

running wild and free ….. again …….

Progressive revelation is when God reveals to us HIS nature and HIS will and HIS purpose for us. In these last weeks as it gets closer and closer to the celebration of the death and resurrection of our LORD JESUS who is the Christ, MESSIAH ….. my Saviour reveals to me more of HIMSELF and what HE had to go through for my salvation.

The stench of the smell of the place of the crucifixion was torrid. The smell of blood and flesh.

I have never really thought of flesh as a smell itself but now the torrid smell of the flesh, sin, itself, gives such a disgusting aroma ….. it is no wonder …. our Father in heaven could not look upon JESUS as HE took all of our sins on the cross.

As I child I used to go to the Cathedral where JESUS was carrying HIS cross and I used to touch all the areas of HIS body that bled and wondered why HE looked so dejected. It was an ever search for me to understand why the Son of my God had to go through such a terrible death. It was in these years of seeking after these things of the Spirit that the LORD finally answered my call in my mid twenties.

Then things began to go wrong in my life and I had to stop my search …… for a decade …. until the right time came …..

Now, JESUS is showing me the dreadful place HE was crucified. Now, older and wiser, as I look around and smell and know the difference between the carnal and the spirit man …. my eyes can see and my nose can smell ……. a part of the crucifixion of what it all means ……. what it truly means ….. and heart feels peace in this holy ground that was filled with the evilness of all the world ………

and I run run run ……. this wild and free heart of mine ……….. the LORD, HE gives me someone to run with …….. JESUS is amazing ……….

I have this wild and free nature that the LORD created in me and I was born free …….. so …….. this freedom I’m able to express in my walk with JESUS is an amazing place to be in ……… a place of peace and holiness and grace and mercy and love …… most important ….. a peaceful ground ……. though so true ……….

cherry blossom

progressive revelation

Today we all join in with Holley Gerth and Jennifer Dukes Lee telling our story. I’m amazed that the Holy Spirit chose today to tell HIS story. JESUS’ story. Thanking both ladies …….


Holley Gerth

Coffee for Your Heart

Coffee for Your Heart 150

Jennifer Dukes Lee

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how close can I get to my Saviour, how close, how close would a HOLY Saviour allow me so close that I can hear HIS heart break on the cross …….. it’s Easter again ……. can you hear HIS heart break for all of us …… how how close can you get to JESUS’ heart …….. as for me …… I’m right down there ….. my ear and my lips on HIS heart ….. this is how close I can get to my Saviour Redeemer, HIS Name is above al names btw, HIS Name is JESUS, MESSIAH, Christ our LORD …. the Son of the Living God, the second Person in the Trinity ……. JESUS JESUS JESUS …… more kisses ………..

 I love YOU
 I love YOU LORD

1 August 2014 cool-heart-broken-tendon-condition

it’s really good to know the true cost JESUS had to pay for my life
 HIS life for mine

do you think the LORD prepares a heart to love HIM for who HE is

In my early twenties when I started to teach Sunday School a lady in her fifties was astonished that I truly believed in what I preached and the children believed as well.

I was truly astounded to hear something like that.

Today, the LORD brings back to mind this moment when I declared to her that I really believed ….. and today I’m astounded at how much I know about who JESUS really is ….. when I was seven I really did not know anything about JESUS except HE is the Son of God and I believe ……… now ……. I know so much more about HIM … yada yada yada …… this seer is amazed by HIS amazing LOVE for me ……..


The point of being led by the Spirit is not ….. do I believe ….. and ……… does looking at JESUS heart break for me ……. change me ……. draw me closer to HIM …….. this is so evident to me ………. as the tears roll down …… in realization at the cost and not just some ….. yuk yuk yuk ….. carnal feeling sorta thing ….. more like a …… realization ………

The point is …… being led by the Spirit …… does this change you ……. your hearts …….. I think this is what the Spirit wants …… the Holy Spirit will lead us all to JESUS ………


The funny thing is that I can even smell it …… JESUS’ heart …… now …….. I can tell you this … it was a horrid crucifixion …….. it was the stench of sin that broke JESUS’ heart ……..

We are reminded in AOG Global Missions by our lecturer that the Gospel is not changed in any way and untouched.

18 September 2012 cross-as-a-bridge

dreams are made to come true

 I want to do this now
surrounded by the GLORY of the LORD
roll around in the GLORY of the LORD
the LORD puts dreams into our hearts right
HE puts them all in my heart
my next desire of my heart

the LORD is taking me
deeper into HIMSELF

on HOLY ground
deeper and deeper
pure bright golden white bright LIGHT
mingled in the purity of who Christ is
HE gave HIS life for mine

just a dew drop from heaven

Yesterday at church I sought the LORD with all of my heart and mind and strength and HE told me that I was worthy to enter the most holy of places.

HE showed me this stairway to heaven which shone as brightly as JESUS, HIMSELF, but all around it was the darkness of this world.

I saw myself in a holy place with JESUS and when I saw HIM I clung to HIM for dear life. My life. JESUS and this place was in full pure bright white LIGHT. And the LIGHT of our Father was shining as well. HE said, this is my beloved Son.

In line with Easter coming along and all that I’ve been spending time in communion with the LORD and finding HIS plan and will for me all these years, I’ve been touched by HIS provision in my life. The entire of it.

No one, no matter in the same place. Geographically, even financial, will arrive at the same point in life, or choices.

I just cannot believe how good the LORD has been in my life. And to be able to enter into the holiest of places forevermore. For all eternity.

I know I need more submission and surrender to the LORD. I know I need to seek more purity, more holiness. To never give up the good fight of faith.

The path …… I take is ever led by Christ JESUS. HE is my guide. HE is my LIGHT. I’ve been positioned in truly a holy holy place, all my life. The protection of my Father has been faithful to HIS words to me, then I will place you in my sanctuary. I was twelve then. And HE did. Until HIS kairos moment came to pass.

We have completed our study in the Synoptic Gospels and will continue to pursue God’s WORD in Pneumatology. We are truly blessed blessed blessed. A blessing from the LORD. God HE provides the only desire in my heart, ever since I read the bible. To study the WORD of God. To know more about who my God is.

We have also been included in the ministry of Prophetic Warrior Brides in our church.

It is my hope that one day. Every single church will have a prophetic worship team interceding with the congregation, all over the world.

This dream which the LORD has put in my heart will probably come to pass when I’m long gone. But, it’s still my dream ……….

The LORD puts dreams in our hearts. We are not dreaming separately from the LORD when we are in a close and intimate relationship with JESUS. We walk as one with JESUS and HE is one with the Father. We are one. One in Christ JESUS.

Therefore, we are truly beautifully and wonderfully made. Created by Elohim.

deeply touched

The LORD is taking me on an incredible journey. It’s amazing. Life is wonderful.

I asked the professor of our Global University about this loss of salvation and what it all means now that I take the Armenian like my church, and he answered me. Brief and to the point. I get it. Love these short answers, to the point.

As I said, the LORD is doing a wonderful work in my heart. Through the study of HIS WORD, the Synoptic Gospels and the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

We have just completed the Synoptic Gospels and it’s been a wonderful journey for all of us. We have accomplished much. Our professor taught us a lot and gave us lots of wonderful extras and maps and to be honest, it’s been fun. We all enjoyed it to the utmost.

This morning the LORD who showed me how big HE is a month ago by showing me all the galaxies, brought me to a very small small place and told me …… 

I AM here.

Can you imagine this. It’s just such an amazing journey it’s wonderful.

And when HE showed me HIS beauty …………. and me a part of HIM, Christ JESUS this is.

I was so touched.